She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
