i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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