I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
