I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
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I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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