new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
