I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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