Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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