The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
