My sheets look like a crime scene.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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