yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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