And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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