omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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