i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
