once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
