u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
