my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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