did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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