I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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