I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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