You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
