U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
