Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
