like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
