she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
