It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
