This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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