Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
