Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
