Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
