Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
