but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
