He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
