She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
