FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
