I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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