Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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