He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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