Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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