we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
