dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
