So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
