My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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