So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
