I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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