there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
