Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize