we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
