Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're not piercing ourselves today.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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