Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
