i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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