I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We don't watch enough power rangers
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
