i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
