We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
