I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
