Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
