Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
