So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
