the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
