Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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