I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it glows. i had to have it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
