I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
