I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
