I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
