I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
