Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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