i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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