I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
