I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
