He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
