so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
