i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
