Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
