More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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