I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
