It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
