I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
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I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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