Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
